On January 13th, 2013, I will turn 28 years old. I dislike my birthday and like helping people, so I'm trying to switch one for the other!

Of course, no one expects something for nothing, so here's what I'm offering in return:

1. The person to crack $100 gets a hand-written poem about how awesome they are. Said poem will be illustrated. It will be a humorous poem.

2. Whoever gets me to $250 gets to pick a meat product of their choice, of which I will take at least two bites. I will also videotape this and send it to you.

3. Whoever bumps us up to $500 wins the following: I will dress up like Katy Perry and stand on the corner of a major intersection, holding up a massive charity: water sign. I will do this for no less than three hours.

4. The person who gets us to $1000? I will write and self-publish a short novel. You choose the topic. Any topic.

5. If you get me to $2500, I will bake 2500 cookies of your choice and send them to you, free of charge. (If you live outside of the western US, I'll send you 2500 pieces of candy.)

6. If you get us to $3000, I'll donate $100 of my own money to the charity of YOUR choice, AND you'll get 2500 cookies/candies!

and finally...

7. If we reach $5000, I will allow the infamous video of me at karaoke to be released. I will also send you a box of archaeological artifacts that I've collected over the years. Finally, I will have a shirt made with your picture and the caption "[STEVE-BOB JOHNSON] HELPED ME REACH MY GOAL OF $5000 AND ALL HE/SHE GETS IS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT." I will wear this shirt every day for a week.

So let's do this!